Oh, but it's Burberry

This is something that I have very mixed feelings about. On the one hand, I completely broke my promise, spent money I don't really have, and have put myself into a corner. On the other hand, I bought a fabulous Burberry silk wrap dress that was originally $850 for $26.02, after my employee discount and taxes. Yes, that is twenty six dollars and two cents, a ridiculous discount of craziness.

Originally, I thought that it was almost $400 because that is what the price tag said when I picked up the go backs from the registers. I notice that it is a lovely item and hand the garment off to the Women's Department because it belongs there, then continue working. A few minutes later B., the Men's Department manager, comes running in and starts frantically asking where that dress is. Turns out that it was a return and only $30 because it had gone on discount since the customer originally purchased it. This news was unbelievable, and the tale went around where everyone commented that it was fake and not possible and whatnot. I was seething with jealousy, but at the same time I figured that it was better for a coworker to get such an amazing find.

A couple hours down the line, once the store has closed, I notice the dress hanging in the reticketing area instead of the hold area. This doesn't seem right to me, so I ask M., the woman working in the fitting room, and she said that B. tried it on and it didn't fit her. My mind cannot be pulled away from this dress, so I look at the size and, lo and behold, it is a 10R, just my size. M. makes a comment that my boobs will be too big for it, but that I'm welcome to try it on. Shrug of the shoulders and the sweater comes off right there so I can pull the dress on over my tank-top. Well, it looks just great. Absolutely great. The tank-top really makes it look classy, because otherwise it would be a little obscene on me. No harm in admitting that M. is right, my boobs are huge, especially when you are a tiny woman, as in very short and very skinny, like M. is.

My assistant manager sees me in the dress and tells me that I could buy it right then if I hurried because the store was closed and the cash registers needed to be counted soon. I practically skipped up to my locker, slipped my card with the rewards points into my utilipocket (that would be my bra), skipped back to the registers and handed that dangerous piece of plastic over with a grin on my face. Half a second after the card was swiped is the exact moment when I realized that I might not have enough money in my account. I cross my fingers and break out into a sweat. The transaction was approved, but my mind was going over the terms of the card, which is linked to my checking account, which states that if I am declined 3 times, then I'm fired for being untrustworthy with money, or some other PC, don't-sue-us-for-canning-you phrase. The feeling of holding your breath and hoping that you didn't totally fucker yourself is not one I am fond of, but one that I am becoming increasingly familiar with.

Guess that today was a very alcoholic moment: I promised that I wouldn't do it, I think about it obsessively, then I do it despite my better judgement, and top off with promising that this was the last time. Sadly, it better be, I don't think that I actually have enough money in my account to pay for this dress and I have no idea why it went through. Tomorrow, before work, I am going to return those Halloween items and cross my fingers. This is a point when I am very glad that I do not have a credit card. This may sound contradictory, but I recognize that the same thing would be happening, except that I would be up to my ears in debt and just trying to keep my head afloat if I had a credit card. It is tragic to realize that I am so terrible with money.

*Sigh* Rammen is not too bad and I was able to snag three pieces of pizza to have for breakfast/lunch tomorrow so at least I won't have to starve. While I know that a new job will remove such temptation as a daily issue, I seem to be finding the job search very difficult and slow going. It seems like every time I start to move an inch in the right direction, other things drag me away. The rational part of my mind realizes that it is unreasonable to have a job just fall into my lap, but there is a portion that expects an amazing career to drop from the sky.

Picture found on the eBay posting for a size 4 of the exact dress to be found here and that bidding ends on November 1st, just 2 days and 15 hours from my posting this.

Failure

The good news is that I looked absolutely amazing and I have something that I can return and I had a great time at the party. The bad news is that I went way overboard. Way, way, way overboard.

The damage started when I found a great wig for only $25, which is a great deal if you are getting a wig that is realistic looking and it was a very full wig and looked awesome and felt more like hair and not like barbie hair, but it is a bit more than I should have spent. Also got a wig cap for $3.

Next came the great idea that I should add snakes and spiders to the wig to make it creepy and scary, but the individual things ended up not looking as good as the ones in the package and they were in bulk so way less than the individual rubber vermin; in the end I spent $10 on the package of 48 snakes/lizards/frogs and $3.15 on individual spiders and snakes at only 35 cents a piece. At least I can put the 3 snakes I used back in the package and return it. I think I'm stuck with the individual rubber creepy crawlies.

Elaborating on my cool idea, I wanted some sweet bones and body parts hanging off of me to make me look like a witch doctor, dangerous and creepy, but sexy none the less. So I spent $10 on a set of zombie hands and feet, $4 on a great skull, $4 on misc smallish plastic bones, and $5 on a set of great looking severed fingers. Using a bit of elbow-grease and imagination, I was able to make a skull hat with feathers (peacock side feathers that I already had in my crafting stash), a necklace of bones and fingers with a jawbone focal point, and a belt of zombie hands (using a belt I got for free from work and had been wanting to use for something cool). Well, those accessories only cost me $23, which would have been fine if that was all I had bought.

Lastly, I got a cheap set of vampire fangs for $6 and a makeup kit for $8, both of which I am going to return along with the bulk reptile pack.

Overall, my trip to the costume store cost me $83.60 and I'm going to return $24 of stuff. Also, my receipt was very long, which really made my spending hit home. I hope they can put my return back on my card or give me cash, I really don't want to be stuck with store credit when I am hurting for funds. This was a more expensive trip than I could really afford and still I had ended up restricting what I spent. There was a fabulous boa of raven feathers that would have looked amazing, but was $20 that I didn't really have for things that weren't for my Halloween costume. There was also a bag of apple sized skulls that I passed on and a bag of bloody eyeballs that I had to skip. It is silly, but I still feel like these items could have added a lot to my costume, but I know that as it was I went a little crazy on my costume.

Have to remember my weakness for Halloween stores and stay away until I can actually afford to shop again. Returning those items will be a test of willpower.

Rethinking

So, I've been thinking that I've been a little too restrictive with myself. Food is all well and good, I love food, but I also need a Halloween costume because I'm going out tomorrow night to a great party where I'm going to want to look fabulous. There will be plenty of time to grab something sexy and head home because I work early and the party is late.

A Halloween costume is something I need, while a red velvet jacket is something I want. And early, a red velvet work jacket is unreasonable to buy because I already have two adorable velvet work jackets (one in black by DKNY with flared sleeves and satin trim and one in purple with really great buttons by Tahari) and a fabulous red velvet coat (knee length rust colored velvet with intriguing seam work in the back and buttons that I've replaced thrice in the three years I've had it, made by a designer called franco + russe that my aunt bought for my college graduation gift). Besides, that red velvet jacket was way out of my price range at $180 (despite it being a great deal due to originally being almost $500). Evidently I use too many parenthetical asides when explaining why I don't need something I want and therefore should not buy it.

Now, a Halloween costume is different. I have to figure out something sexy and scary and I just don't think that I have what I want at home or formable from things that I purely have at home. I will just get a few accessories and an inexpensive wig and pair it with clothing items I already have. No biggie, just a couple of key accessories to really make the costume come together.

Budgeting

Yesterday I looked at my bank account and gave a little sigh of relief that I could make rent this month with a bit over $100 to spare. Yes, this "phew" was accompanies with a melodramatic wiping of my brow for theatrical effect. It dawned on me that I should not be relieved about making rent with having enough leftover for food, I should expect it of myself and not screw myself over the next time I have to pay bills that I know are coming.

This lead to me making a promise, a resolution, whatever you want to call it, that I would only buy food until my next paycheck on the 5th. My goal is to use up the spare cash around my room and let my checking account accrue a little interest (hurray for credit unions).

Sounds easy, right?

WRONG! Oh, I was so very wrong. Today I have been tempted by so many items that I can't even count. There were adorable necklaces and cute shirts and a great coat that is a gorgeous red velvet with flattering seams. It was intolerable.

I think I'm addicted. I really felt like an alcoholic working at a bar. My coworkers are my enablers and I can justify away all sorts of things and I can't stop.

To my shame, I put a few things on hold. To my joy, I left and went home without purchasing them. It was difficult, but I bought a cute pair of sunglasses by Armani Exchange for $24 and a warm hat with adorable intarsia knitting for $16 just a few days ago and the other week I got a supple olive green leather purse with a ton of pockets for $60, even though it was originally $250. The memory of these recent purchases will have to help me ride out the time until pay day.

Wish me luck, I'm going to need it.